Here is the blog I promised on my Facebook page about my second half marathon experience.
Just to give you a little background I did a half marathon October of 2012 which I trained for and I did finish at a pretty descent time 1:51:56. Well this year I started training late and during my training I was having issues mentally prepare for it. I knew physically I was ready but my latest journey of awareness had brought up some things that kept me occupied. So that was the first thing that I had to adjust to in order to get ready for the run this AM. And I think I managed to get in a pretty good shape mentally and physically (not as good as last year but pretty close).
Now, those of you that know me, also know that I ONLY run with my music and my Nike + app. I can do without the Nike + app but I MUST have my music. I have special playlists, I have songs for when I need an extra pick me up. As a matter of fact the day before the race I was talking to my friends about the fact that the race organizers try to discourage headphones and music but there is no way that I would be able to run without my music. I didn't even think of it as a "Habit" but if someone would talk about alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes like this you would say they definitely have a Habit.
So what do you know, the universe decided to break me out of my habit the hard way :) :) From start of the race until a little past mile 4 I was having a great race. I was feeling great mentally and physically. I was enjoying the race, and actually I was at a 8:27 mile/min speed. I specially loved that my friends were sending me cheers on my Nike + app; which I have to tell you did give me more energy; the cheers were so much fun :) :) So a little after mile 4 my app started pausing and restarting by itself, and since I was in the middle of the race I couldn't really stop and figure things out. After fidgeting with it for a little, while running, I decided I was going to close the app and just listen to my playlist. It took some time to do that, but still even the music was not playing; it was pausing and restarting and skipping. Panic set in ... OMG I am only on mile 4 and I have another 10 miles to go ... what am I going to do without my music!!!!!! so this went on for a good mile. Then I said to myself OK this is crazy you still have a long race ahead of you and you want to finish it and you have to find a way. And then for another mile I was trying to get myself to find a way of how I was going to make it.
Then it came to me to just "be" (well I should give the credit to my partner in crime since we had a conversation the night before on the subject). I decided to accept the fact that I have a habit of using my music ("music junkie") as a way to block out my thoughts and all the other noise, plus I do use it as a performance enhancer, and I use music in order to relax, feel good and get happy. Next I accepted my mental and physical condition. Then I said OK lets just make the best of it and finish the race. Well I finished the race at 2 hours (don't know my official time since I did not check the papers)
Last year when I finished the race I felt I could have still ran for another 3 or 4 miles, I did not hurt anywhere and I had so much energy that I had a party at my house for my son with 10 of his screaming little friends and their moms and dads :) :) This year I was in pain and I could not wait to get home and lets just say I was pretty pooped for the rest of the day.
Am I ready to break this "Habit" of being "music addict", well I do want to be able to run and quiet my mind and other noises without having the music. Will I still have music while I run, etc. You Bet :) :)
This time I will end with one of my favorite music which is in many of my playlists :) As always remember to keep on Watching, Living, Loving, and most important of all Enjoying. LOVE xoxo
Becoming aware of your emotions, beliefs, thoughts, actions, etc. makes for some interesting findings about oneself :)
For example the latest for me has been "Fear". And I have to say WOW I could probably give you a long list of all the fears that I have had or still have since childhood; you have your general fears of crawly creepy insects to much bigger fears about your beliefs such as fear of rejection and success. The funniest one I have to say was fear of fear itself; which is about wanting to let go of the fears which causes getting a little afraid every time even a little bit of fear is felt; afraid that fear was here to stay :) :) Another one is the fear of success and rejection; now that is hilarious ... Being afraid that you will not be successful at the same time being afraid that if you are successful then you have to keep it up and you are afraid of not being able to keep up :) :)
To start let's look at the definition of "fear": an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
You have to agree that if you read the definition several times is going to make you smile: an emotion caused by a belief that is LIKELY to cause ...
And that starts you on the right direction. So if we are have awareness when we have the emotion of "fear" and then trace it to the "belief" that is causing the emotion, then we can evaluate the belief. Why do I have this belief; where did it come from; is it still valid, if still valid then what is the worst case scenario and best case scenario. If this is no longer a valid belief or if you get it to best case scenario then you can let go same as balloons into space just like my "let it go" painting. If you still feel that the fear/belief is still valid or that you trace the worst case scenario and you are still afraid, then you can dig a little deeper while keeping in mind the definition of "LIKELY" to happen or cause ... which sooner or later takes you to a point that either the fear/belief becomes invalid or that there is a pretty good chance that it will not happen or cause any harm to you :) :) Then you will soon find out that the fear and belief were developed in order for you to protect yourself. Once you reach this point then it is time to say "I am free and safe to let go of this belief" "I am free and safe to let go of this fear". Remember it is important that you do not fight your fear and accept it. Since if you fight against it then it will fight back.
This is not magic and it is not going to go away immediately, but trust me keep your awareness, trace the fear to its root belief and let go just like those balloons and trust the universe that you will be safe; and little by little your fears disappear just like a balloon that you let go into the space.
I would like to end with the following quotes, and remember to keep on Watching, Living, Loving, and most important of all Enjoying.
“Life begins where fear ends.” - Osho (BTW LOVE THIS ONE )
“March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path.” - Kahlil Gibran
"Trust your Heart. Value its intuition. Choose to let go of fear, and to open to the True and you will awaken to the freedom, clarity and joy of Being." - Mooji (And I have to tell you once you get to this point ....ahhhh ...."joy")
Artist thoughts on life, love, happiness and spirituality.